I remember when I was younger, my dad and my mom would often get into long, loud arguments over financial problems. My dad was one of those people who kept quiet, like a ticking bomb waiting to go off, while my mom would constantly nag at him about how he was doing poorly at work. My dad would go off at her and they would argue so much, I felt embarrassed being in a household where it was so loud. One day we got a polite letters from our neighbors telling us to be quieter.
Because of my dad’s anger issues over my mom, I felt embarrassed because nothing could calm him down during the moment, even if you spoke up, it would just worsen the situation. With time, age, and years later, he has learned to calm down.
But if you’re a person who gets angry and wants to learn how to control the anger so you’re not hurting relationships with others, it doesn’t have to take years from now. Let’s try to understand anger a little bit more.
Causes of Anger
When somebody feels or perceives that there is a force which is threatening them, and they make a choice to stop this threat, anger starts to happen. Have you ever had a moment where somebody puts you down because they think their more superior than you? That makes us angry because indirectly that is a threat to our worth as a person and can causes us to want to retaliate in ways to stop this kind of threat.
Some Symptoms of Anger
- Heart rate goes up
- Blood pressure goes up
- Energy hormones rise
- Breathing rate increases
Effects of Symptoms (Expressed)
- Making louder noises
- Attempting to look physically larger
- Baring their teeth
- Staring at another person
- Tighten muscles
- Lashing out
- Breaking objects
- Yelling at others
- Verbal abusing others
Effects of Symptoms (Suppressed)
- Holding it in
- Putting others down
- Constantly criticizing others
- Finding a way to indirectly get back
- Feeling resentment throughout
- Giving somebody a silent treatment
- Feeling hopelessness and depression
How to Control Anger
One of the best methods to control anger during the moment is to be able to first realize that they are angry and the potential harm it can do to oneself, and to others. Anger, like any emotion, can be converted and redirected in a manner that makes sense and helps deal with a solution, rather than increase the problem.
For example, if you were to get in an argument with somebody, and they made you angry, you could do three things: continue arguing with them to try and prove that you’re way is right, let them be right and walk away from the situation, or try tell them you understand their point of view and express yours in a balanced and fair way so they understand too.
The first way will cause anger to heighten. The second way will not cause further anger, but will cause anger to stay inside oneself. The third way, if you conveyed right, will turn anger into relief when both parties can fully understand each other. But this takes a conscious effort of the people who happened to be in the anger situation.
If another person does not understand that, then the best thing to do is just walk away and let them win. Human beings are naturally righteously indignant; they have to be right in order to protect their ego. If you understand this, even when you know another person is not right, just let it go and walk away. The reason for this is anger happens when there is an opposing force. When there is no opposing force, anger cannot worsen.
How to Deal with Anger by Oneself
The first thing you should do is to stop analyzing the situation. Analyzing the situation when in a negative state will often either cause obsessing over thoughts which can further lead to a worse state. Many people want to find a new technique or new treatment for anger, but stick with the basics: finding how to calm down and relax.
Find a place where it is peaceful and calm. This could be somewhere in the park, your backyard, the library, or on the bed in your room. And instead of thinking about why you’re angry, or the problem, focus on your feelings instead. Focus on being conscious and aware of your surroundings, your physiology movements like your breathing, but mostly the moment you are in. Do this for twenty minutes and your anger will slowly cease and go away.
When it does, you be in a more peaceful and neutral state. This causes you to feel better, and when you feel better, it is possible for you to start imagining visual scenarios that you would like to make the situation better. Also, you will be in a better state to logically tackle a problematic situation you that happen to be in.
How to Prevent Anger Entirely
The best way to deal with anger is to not let it happen at all. If you can do this, then you will never be angry. This may sound impossible to do, but it is very possible if you think about it. The reason that it is possible is because of our choices that we make.
We all have choices to the things that affect us in our daily life. You’ve probably heard of things such as action and reaction or cause and effect. It’s the same thing. When something outside of your control happens that causes the feelings of anger, you can let it happen, or you can make a choice to not get angry.
It may be hard at first because logically something such as a person calling you a bad name, or a car driver dents your car; these things are supposed to make you angry but they don’t have to. You can be a prey of anger if you are always trying to control a situation that can’t be controlled. If you do this, most likely you’ll be angry for the rest of the day, and maybe even the week; and if it does, it more likely result in other irritations throughout your daily habit.
Another solution is to try your best deal with a situation in a calm, but effective way also. In case of the bad name calling, don’t take it personally. Let it go as there is probably a reason that you don’t know about for why they treat people that way. As for the bad car driver, don’t get out and start yelling, but ask them for their driver’s information, report the situation, and deal with it in a manner that solves the solution.
Remember, anger is a choice. You can start to practice conditioning your mind to take it more easy and relax when something makes you angry. Maybe even laugh it off. But whatever the case may be, being angry is not worth affecting yourself, your relationships, and your daily life routine.